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NARKOZ hacker-scripts
Based on a true story
Stars
49,813
Forks
6,651
Watchers: 49,813
Language
Github
Repository Radar Score
45 / 100
Growth
- 7d
- +0
- 30d
- +0
- %
- 0.0%
Not enough metric snapshots yet to chart growth for this repository.
Score breakdown
- popularity 87
- growth 0
- activity 15
- freshness 100
- community 60
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Based on a true story:
xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"
xxx: You're gonna love this
xxx:
smack-my-bitch-up.sh- sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.
xxx:
kumar-asshole.sh- scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".
xxx:
hangover.sh- another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.
xxx: (and the oscar goes to)
fucking-coffee.sh- this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something likesys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.
xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those
Original: http://bash.im/quote/436725 (in Russian) (Archive.org link) Pull requests with other implementations (Python, Perl, Shell, etc) are welcome.
You need these environment variables:
# used in `smack-my-bitch-up` and `hangover` scripts
TWILIO_ACCOUNT_SID=ACxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
TWILIO_AUTH_TOKEN=yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
# used in `kumar_asshole` script
GMAIL_USERNAME=admin@example.org
GMAIL_PASSWORD=passwordFor Ruby scripts you need to install gems:
gem install dotenv twilio-ruby gmail
# Runs `smack-my-bitch-up.sh` monday to friday at 9:20 pm.
20 21 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/smack-my-bitch-up.sh >> /path/to/smack-my-bitch-up.log 2>&1
# Runs `hangover.sh` monday to friday at 8:45 am.
45 8 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/hangover.sh >> /path/to/hangover.log 2>&1
# Runs `kumar-asshole.sh` every 10 minutes.
*/10 * * * * /path/to/scripts/kumar-asshole.sh
# Runs `fucking-coffee.sh` hourly from 9am to 6pm on weekdays.
0 9-18 * * 1-5 /path/to/scripts/fucking-coffee.shCode is released under WTFPL.
Languages
Share of the codebase by language, based on repository metadata from the host.
- JavaScript 16.2%
- Python 11.6%
- Java 10.8%
- Perl 10.2%
- Kotlin 10.0%
- Clojure 8.3%
- PowerShell 7.8%
- Go 5.3%
- Ruby 4.6%
- C# 3.4%
- Shell 2.9%
- R 2.8%
- PHP 2.6%
- Scala 1.8%
- Groovy 0.9%
- CoffeeScript 0.8%
Repository Radar analysis
Deterministic insights derived from public metadata and our observations — not personal testing or reviews.
Why this repository is interesting
- High absolute popularity (49,813 stars) signals broad adoption.
Who should use it
- Developers working primarily with JavaScript
Potential use cases
- Reference or evaluate JavaScript open-source approaches in this domain
Strengths
- README present in our index
- Substantial fork count (6,651) suggests reuse and contribution interest
Limitations / considerations
- License not recorded in our index — confirm on GitHub before production use
What to watch
- Re-check last push, issues, and releases on GitHub before production adoption
Strong signals: Strong community interest
Source: GitHub (public metadata) + Repository Radar analysis. We do not claim ownership of third-party repositories.